To the person lurking in darkness

To the person lurking in darkness
You may be fretting over which obscenely wealthy person Barack Obama will name to represent us to a world full of paupers but I have other people to worry about.

They're everywhere, including and especially at the borders of the private property upon which our modest home stands. Even though there are thousands of acres of state land around here where autumnal war games are encouraged, certain miscreants are attracted to this property by the world's greatest shithead magnets -- signs that say "NO TRESPASSING OR HUNTING." This insults and challenges these folks-- who have no choice but to take to the field to put meat on the table because they blew the next several years' of grocery money on ATV's, trailers, weapons, ordnance and more camouflage than General Patton and the troops he commanded utilized as they battled from North Africa to Germany.
crimmins 1569

crimmins 1569

Rather than consider that 'posted' signs as necessities for the safety of those who choose to live on this land even when it isn't doubling as a killing floor, the turfy interlopers behave like children mocking orders to remain in their own yard by sticking a toe or two onto a neighbor's lawn. These people (and yes, I know there are also 'good' hunters) don't give a wit (or even half of one) for anyone else's peace of mind. The only safety that matters to them is represented by a one-color rainbow of hunter's orange attire.  

Taking advantage of a loophole for non-murderous activities created by the un-American, anti-sportsmen lobby that criminalized the discharge of high-powered rifles from sundown to sunup, Lettie, Lu and I were on a Saturday predawn ramble when the girls detected something creepy, lurking just at the edge of our property. Even before the sun had risen on the first day of "gun season" for deer in New York's southern zone for hunting, blunderbuss-toting nincompoops were already surrounding the remote outpost we call home. The dogs stayed on our side of the line as they barked loud reports of the incursion.
crimmins 1569

From the darkness, a human woodchuck yipped back at me and my good girls. "Ya better do sumpin' about dem dawgs!"

Over L&L's now greatly amplified woofing, I responded, "Don't worry, I will. They deserve a reward for alerting me to the presence of intruders at the edge of this property. It's a job they do every day. Most of the time they just drive off deer, which is why you will never find what you're looking for here."

Without warning, I opened fire with a weapon of my own, a million watt flashlight. I panned it back and forth across the forest. This device routs the moronic marauder on several fronts. First, it announces the presence of humans to local wildlife. Next, it makes the hunter feel like the game and the hunter hates that. Finally, it attracts game wardens because the presence of such a bright light is a sure indication of poaching. If a ranger is nearby, he or she will demand that anyone with a gun in close proximity of such illumination furnish proof that they are licensed and law-abiding hunters. This is often not the case in these here parts. Either way, none of them like contact with the woodland authority any more than the rest us enjoy routine traffic stops.
crimmins 1569

Although bright enough to announce the opening of a major motion picture, my light missed its mark but nevertheless did its job. As I heard the hybrid Hatfield/Fudd stagger away through the darkness, I offered a brief prayer.

"Please great and lucky superstition upon which we, the sorely beset, have no choice but to turn to in our helplessness, let the goober's safety on his gun be off so that he might become a small story on the wire services tomorrow."

This particular petition was neglected by the up-yonder role-caller. When the girls and I got back to the house, I plugged my weapon back into its charger, right next to its bigger 1.5 million watt comrade that is also at-the-ready at all times during these dangerous days. Then I took a moment to smile about the encounter and the terrible rainy weather outside.

It kept up all day, coming down in such torrents that not even state of the art camo rain gear could best it in the open field. So the hunters were drenched to the bone yesterday before the weather changed last night and the temperatures fell to freezing. I was happy about this until about 9 pm Saturday when I drove down to town to pick up some supplies to see us through the siege. About halfway down the hill my headlights illuminated what looked to be a large dog. I slowed down and crept forward until I identified a fawn, and a pretty young one at that. It stood and looked back at me, lost and scared. This fresh orphan, facing hills full of coyotes and a first-ever long, cold night without a mother's warmth, would have been better off had I just sped up and ended its misery. I couldn't do that any more than I could shoot the poor thing or eat the flesh of an animal. I haven't the heart. (And I do understand that he herd needs to be culled but do you understand that the deer herd is enlarged by state wildlife agencies that do everything possible to make the countryside ideal for the animals that generate the most income from hunting licenses and for private, very influential businesses? They promote deer overpopulation to justify an annual onslaught of armed, beer-swilling mutants in my neighborhood. And it sucks.)

As I looked at the helpless babe at woods' edge, I felt as if the universe collapsed on my soul. It could only understand it felt confusion, grief and fear. I, on the other hand, knew exactly how awful things were for this little one. I was again left to the remedy of the sorely beset. This time I chose my deity more carefully since the prayer about to be offered was serious and for another. So I asked the great pacifist and lover of animals, St. Francis of Assisi, for mercy for the foundling fawn, who scooted away after looking me in the eye with eyes that sought explanations for the inexplicable.

If the poor deer made it through the night, perhaps thanks to the protection of a surrogate mother, what peace it found is now over. The goatfuckers are again afoot, ready, willing and able to massacre any creature old enough to provide safety and guidance to the young and terrified fawn because, after all, these people have kids to feed.

UPDATE: I went out to get some photos for this and was reminded that laws mean nothing to many of these people. They park illegally, they camp illegally and when some do act legally, they do so only to aggressively exclude other hunters from their turf. I guess they know better than to be out there with people like themselves.
crimmins 1569

Idiots who only have permission to hunt on an adjacent property have now added the threat that they are 'patrolling' it to some of their 'posted' signs. How very paramilitary! So an out of town landowner who is kind enough to allow these lower-case McVeighs to hunt on his property now has militia-type meatheads putting up signage that will undoubtedly irritate other armed morons. Will this lead to firefights and king hell lawsuits? Stay tuned and I'll let you know because this is right across the street from my home. Makes me wanna holla and I do. In fact I just came in from screaming at a moron who was carrying a gun on the edge of my property well past sundown. It's DARK, you idiot, GO AWAY!

The rest of the day was spent watching a parade of vehicles creep past our home so nitwits could check to see if their were any deer to shoot on our front lawn or maybe to see if there are any gutted carcasses hanging in front of our home. Since they have no manners, I don't bother to tell these clowns that it's impolite to stare. Instead, I simply wave at them with a portion of my hand.

NOTE: Speaking of hands, I am battling some serious arthritis and so typing is tough. I will resume posting more frequently when my digits become a bit less gnarled.


SentienceSaturday, February 14th 2009 6:57PM

PDavis:  Webster's, in the form of, defines sentient as
"responsive to or conscious of sense impressions."  Deer are certainly
responsive to sense impressions, so they qualify as sentient according
to Webster.

As far as being able to "self referentially examine a perception and
abstract from it," surely you're not saying that a being without the
ability to think abstractly cannot experience pain.  Maybe you mean
that the only pain you care about is pain that the experiencer can
describe in human language.  Or maybe I misunderstand you.

As for the condescending name-drop of an impressive book title, come
on, that's just annoying.

PDavisThursday, November 27th 2008 12:38AM

Never cared about deer, but I always did hate tresspassers.  There is NOTHING more annoying than walking across your home and finding a bunch of strangers partying.  Of course, my home territory was about two miles across - old farm boy from the hills.  I've done very little hunting though, and generally more with the purpose of protecting crops or animals than for the purpose of killing something to eat - that's what the cows and chickens were for.  I'd have to say that a fall fawn is probably on it's own because mamma decided it was big enough to get by.  

You have to control coyotes, foxes, wild dogs, groundhogs and the like or you aren't a farmer, you're just watching a place go back to the wild.  OTOH, deer (if not overpopulated), eagles, bobcats, hawks, panther (yes, there is an eastern north american panther, seen several of them) and such usually don't bother anything but the occasional chicken, and that's not enough trouble for anyone to make a project out of killing them.

Couple of notes to other posters - yes, bees are good for arthritus.  I kept bees for many years, and the stings did seem to help.

And this: Deer are not sentient.  You've been watching too much Disney.  Or you have a definition of sentient that is quite a way off the Websters.   Concious of sense impressions doesn't mean the ability to perceive with the senses, a worm can do that.  It refers to the ability of self awareness, the ability to self referentially examine a perception and abstract from it.  Read "Science and Sanity" for a grounding in that sort of semantic work.

uncle buckWednesday, November 19th 2008 11:07AM

I've fallen behind on my reading, so was glad to see Sir James highlighting this heartbreaking post.
I can't add anything.
Thank you.


Rob AndersonTuesday, November 18th 2008 8:22PM

My mother and father live on 400 acres of Heritage Oak in Central California. During most of the year, deer come right up to their front door, including 12-point bucks weighing 400 pounds.

My dad doesn't shoot them, because they're off-season. He aslo would never shoot a doe or a fawn. And he wouldn't take a shot at a deer he couldn't bring down with that shot; to do otherwise would be to condemn the deer to a slow and painful death.

I feel the same as he.

There is no reason why you should have to put up with such horseshit on your land. You should contact your county sheriff and ask them to deal with it.

davidlyTuesday, November 18th 2008 2:04PM

Jeez, this makes me shiver, Barry.  Having loved ones who live in the sticks with the deer and what not, I worry whenever I think about stuff like this.  Keep us posted on any new ideas you may come up with to peacefully deal with such a menace.

PalinurusTuesday, November 18th 2008 7:58AM

It is only "sport" if both parties, the deer and the hunter, are equally armed. Otherwise, it is murder of another sentient being, pure and simple. If one believes in rebirth, then surely these folks with find themselves on the receiving end next time around.

"All beings tremble before violence. All fear death. All love life. See yourself in other. Then whom can you hurt? What harm can you do? He who seeks happiness By hurting those who seek happiness Will never find happiness."  
The Dhammapada: The Sayings of the Buddha


CharlieMonday, November 17th 2008 2:03PM

I'm reminded of a lovely spring day a year or so back, when old Blue and I were traversing the back acre and heard the report of a shot gun and the follow up next round being shouldered home into the breach.
At the next shot I yelled at the poacher (deer season had long past) and informed him he was within range of homes. Two rapid shots came as a response.
I went in and telephoned the local gendarme who responded with not one but two cruisers.
After leading them out towards the back yard all they would say is that hunters nly need comply with being 500 yards away from a home. I asked which game was in season at the time and they were not sure. After having spent what must have been the designated time allotted to appeasing someone with my complaint we headed back to the cruisers just as a call came over the officer's remote radio letting them know that a wounded deer was lying in the next road over from us.
I said, "I know it's not deer season". They grunted in agreement and headed out.
In the next week's local rag under "Police Report" "One deer put down" was listed.
My "gun shots fired" report was not.

For the arthritis I hear that bee stings work wonders.
I personally subscribe to hot pepper capsaicin ointment,
(also great with nachos) but I see the Chinese use bees.
Now if you only knew someone with a head full of them you'd be all set!
Thanks for the call out, (I think).