CrimQuips

CrimQuips 10/6/03

Monday, October 06, 2003

Commentary by Barry Crimmins

http://www.barrycrimmins.com   "I despise everything Hitler stood for." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, who had to say it because the idea that he is devoted to the Fuehrer is certainly rather feasible. Arnold Schwarzenegger: The E True Heil-lywood Story. Schwarzenegger claims he has the momentum in the California recall campaign, proving that he is as capable of lying as any career politician

If Arnold gets much more of the momentum he's had recently, the next thing he'll need is a bail bondsman.

Perhaps the quote I saw was truncated and what Arnold actually said was "I have to worry that all of these charges of criminal sexual behavior against me are beginning to gain momentum."

I have been interviewed by and performed with hundreds of women during my 30 years in show biz and if I had preemptively groped even one of them, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be putting my name on any ballots. But again, that's another thing makes Arnie a natural pol-- shamelessness.

From Schickelgruber to Serial-groper in two easy generations-- the Schwarzenegger family story.

Arnold despises everything about Hitler -- everything, that is, except Eva Braun and her lush, natural breasts, which he would have preemptively groped, had he ever met her.

Too bad Rush Limbaugh isn't a California resident or he could have provided Schwarzenegger with some real competition. "Lessee do we want the pill-popping, racist, neo-con artist or the Hitler-admiring, sexually-assaultive Hollywood fabrication? Decisions! Decisions!" Considering the allegations that Arnold is into "spankings," the California electorate should oblige him. Limbaugh the pill-popper is a great story. I guess we should have wondered why he was called "Rush." Apparently Limbaugh thought ESPN hired him to do "colored" commentary.

Rush probably needs the pills - he always sounds like he's in a lot of pain.

If Limbaugh has to take all those drugs before he can say that stuff, one shudders to estimate the dosages his listeners require. I know I wouldn't even consider turning his show on without first having a physician install a morphine pump in me.

In an effort to prove he's not a racist, Rush will announce plans to buy all of his drugs on the black market.

Speaking of Donovan McNabb (the African-American Philly QB Limbaugh assailed), Rush said, "What we have here is a little social concern in the N.F.L. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback can do well — black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well." He may have something there. Consider this: McNabb was the greatest quarterback to ever play at Syracuse University -- a major media school. The second greatest QB to ever play for the Orange was Don McPherson, another African-American! And of course you know Ernie Davis played at Syracuse and was the first African-American to win the Heisman Trophy-- a story that was all over the --you guessed it -- media! Yes, I'm afraid Rush has uncovered a major scandal here. It's shocking to consider how those African-American players lead Syracuse to all those bowl games only because of the media's desire to make football worse by trying to turn it into some sort of pansy rainbow coalition. If Rush Limbaugh doesn't have a racist bone in his body, then he's been filleted.

Now that Dennis Miller and Rush Limbaugh have failed as NFL commentators, perhaps Ann Coulter will step up to fill the reactionary void. She's as obnoxious as both of them put together and appears to have much better pharmaceutical connections than Limbaugh. Now that

the three-month old CIA outing story is finally starting to build steam -- and since it can be instructive in demonstrating the deviousness of the court-appointed Bush Administration -- we must use it for all it's worth. However, it is rather ironic that the unethical treatment of a CIA employee may be what finally opens people eyes about this hopelessly corrupt regime. "OK, OK, sure they were already using the 9/11 tragedy for venal political purposes by the time the second plane hit the World Trade Center, and there's no denying that they have privatized the federal treasury and handed it over to their corporate masters. And yes, they have shredded the Bill of Rights, made a preemptive strike on the environment and fabricated the need for a war that has killed thousands and cost tens of billions while developing into a quagmire; but when they hang a CIA operative out to dry, that's where I draw the line!"

Not that this isn't an important story -- particularly because by outing Ambassador Wilson's wife as a CIA operative the Bushists sent a message to the rest of the (so-called) intelligence community that said, "Death to whistle-blowers!" Considering how many of those people knew what a crock Bush's war rationale was -- and how few have said a word-- it appears the Big (Brother) Chill worked.

One worry I have about Wesley Clark is that it seems like all of his staunchest supporters won themselves over before he ever even announced his candidacy. They all buts say, "I was for Wesley Clark before even he knew he was a Democrat!" What Clark needs to do now is demonstrate that he can win support as an actual candidate. Clark should welcome criticism and questions because if he is a general who cannot handle and respond to criticism, he won't make a very good president. We already have a "Because I said so!" guy sitting in the Oval Office, we don't need another and let's face it, generals are pretty notorious for issuing "my way or the highway" edicts. Of course if you don't go Bush's way, he bombs the highway as you attempt to leave.

I hope General Clark will show himself to be open to challenges and willing to consider other ideas. Perhaps his becoming a Democrat indicates he possesses such propensities. If a general can become a Democrat there may even be hope for Joe Lieberman. The most encouraging thing about the Democratic field is that none of them are bashful about calling Bush the riffraff he is. Al Gore inexplicably avoided character issues when taking on the little weasel, it appears no Dem will make that mistake in '04.

Come on W, just admit it: they'll find an ethic at one of your cabinet meetings before they discover any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

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